2084: Take us to the future. How does this greenhouse heat up?
7 Investments that sound crazy now, but will make you RICH & FAMOUS in 2084:
1. Buy land in West Virginia. Ever wish you had bought a building in New York City back in the 70s when everything was cheap? You’d be rich by now if you did, right? Well, stop regretting the past and look toward the future! In 2084, the mountains of West Virginia will be beachfront property. Invest now! Have somewhere to escape to when the floods come! Charge people tons of money to occupy your new beach front! You will become so powerful that you will probably end up being President! Real Estate is POWER!
2. Buy Solar Panels for your future home in West Virginia. There will be no more petroleum oil left on earth by 2084, and, ironically enough, oil plays an important part in the manufacture of solar panels. So, in 2084 the manufacture of solar panels will already have been a thing of the long-ago-past. BUY NOW, because in 2084 the only source of power will be the SUN! Now people will flock to you not only for the safety of your coastal property, but because you are the only person with access to electricity. Talk about POWER!
3. Build a silo on your West Virginia property and fill it with sunscreen (but never tell anyone what’s in there cuz they’re all gonna want some). By 2084 another “thing of the past” will be the ozone layer. You think you get sunburn now? Heh, that’s gonna be nothing in 2084! Be sure you and your descendants have enough sunscreen to survive the future, cuz it’s gonna be a Disco Inferno at your place in West Virginia! And, believe it or not, petroleum oil ALSO plays an important part in the creation of sunscreen! So, your stockpile silo of sunscreen is gonna be TIGHT! Your ability to stand in the sun and only get mildly burned will be seen as MAGIC! (See Logan’s Run for evidence.)
4. Another Silo / Vat: Insect repellant. Nope, not for mosquitoes! There will be no water, so all the mosquitoes will die. However, roaches are known to grow larger and larger the more desert-like a climate becomes, so by 2084, there’s a damn good chance the DINOSAURS will return, but this time they’ll be in the shape of roaches! You will not be able to fight them off with a pocket-sized can of “Off,” you will also need enough SOAKERS (machine-gun-sized water pistols) for your whole family, in the likely event of invasion.
5. Buy Several of the “Pee Totaler,” a urine-to-water converter. With no more naturally occurring water, and machine manufacture brought to a halt by Peak Oil, stock up on a few Pee Totalers now while you can! Not only will this ensure you have drinking water, but you can also charge your citizens for use of your Pee Totaler, their drinking water, and you will be in a position to pick and choose who gets water and who doesn’t! You will RULE in 2084!
6. Begin farming small insects. Crickets are extremely high in calcium. Caterpillars are a fantastic source of iron, thiamin, and riboflavin. In 2010 the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization said that humans should start farming and consuming insects to stave off the hunger when changes to the environment make meat production impossible. By 2084, you and yours will be eating insects daily, so start farming now!
7. Begin Cognitive Therapy with the sole focus of getting over your Ick Factor. What is the “ick factor”? It’s something to GET OVER if you want to survive in 2084! University of Pennsylvania professor Paul Rozin (nicknamed the King of Disgust) has been examining this issue for decades. In a 1986 study, he asked students to drink a cup of juice and rate it. Once that was done he put a cockroach into a cup of the same juice, stirred it around a bit before removing it, and asked them to drink. The bug was dead, and he assured them that it had been sterilized. But not surprisingly, almost no one wanted a sip. In their mind, the cup was contaminated. So Rozin took a brand-new, clean cup and poured fresh, uncontaminated juice into it. This last cup of juice scored lower ratings. The repulsion was so intense that it tainted unrelated objects. So as you can see, the Ick Factor is irrational! Below is a video with Rozin testing ordinary citizens’ ICK reactions to recycled urine water, where he recommends beginning to break down your Ick Factor NOW by drinking all your drinks from a hospital bedpan. However you decide to go at it, just start preparing: 2084 is gonna be ICKY!
leash 84′ (never forget)